<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>This Is Love Like Wildness by geckoholic</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25976827">This Is Love Like Wildness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/geckoholic/pseuds/geckoholic'>geckoholic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Banana Fish (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftercare, Anal Sex, BDSM, Consensual Kink, Dom/sub Play, Leashes, Lingerie, M/M, Overstimulation, Restraints, Rough Oral Sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:53:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,292</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25976827</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/geckoholic/pseuds/geckoholic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>They've never gone this far, done something that requires so much gear and preparation.</em>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>113</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>This Is Love Like Wildness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Second entry for the BFRBB this year, although it's technically the first. Based on a stunning art piece by <a href="https://twitter.com/Arthemisi">arthemisi</a>. Their piece is posted <a href="https://twitter.com/Arthemisi/status/1295787962421194752">HERE</a>. Thank you very much for the great collaboration and for always being there to discuss this filth with me. ♥</p><p>Beta-read by agent coop. Thank you for that as well! ♥ All remaining mistakes are mine.</p><p>Title is from "Heal Me" by Snow Patrol.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There are a few possibilities that Ash didn't consider before he met Eiji – parts of himself, both big and small, that Eiji helped him regain. Peace of mind, happiness. A sense of his own body that wasn’t all wrapped up in hurt and trauma. Intimacy. Sex. Being able to work out what he likes, what he dislikes, what he'd like if it weren't for his past, what he can tolerate but doesn't enjoy, and of course distinguishing between those categories. </p><p>Kink, they've discovered, is also a possibility. One that takes a bit of trial and error, lots of care and patience, but that can be fulfilling and enjoyable for both of them. And yet, tonight is a bit of a premiere. They've never gone this far, or done something that requires so much gear and preparation, plus several long and honest conversations. The most important points Eiji got across to him, reasoned out and explained, were that Eiji wanted this and that Eiji trusted him without reservations, and also that Eiji would not blame him for stopping at any point in case it all became overwhelming in a bad way or because he got lost in his head. Ash agreed, fully convinced in the moment that he was ready, it was fine, he could handle this. </p><p>He could, in theory. It's a little bit harder to keep sorted now that they're doing this kind of play. </p><p>Eiji looks gorgeous. That's a fact, a simple truth, and Ash clings to that while his head swims with any number of complicated and conflicting emotions. He's a truly alluring sight in those leather pants, wearing the leash that Ash doesn't intend to make elaborate use of, but that Eiji wanted so badly to be part of the play. He'd been very specific about what he wanted, and that's another major reason why Ash agreed to do it in the first place. Ash is not forcing Eiji to do anything. Ash is merely helping Eiji to get something <em>he</em> has been craving for some time, evidenced again now by the giddy excitement that's written all over his face as he sits on the bed, eyes wide, staring at Ash like he's hung the moon. </p><p>They'd picked Eiji's getup together. For the most part, it's not particularly kinky: simple black lace panties and a garter belt hug Eiji's slender hips. Beautifully intricate stockings with silver patterns, the old-fashioned kind that attaches to the garter, adorn his legs. The collar around his neck, equally black and simple, could almost be mistaken for a choker, a mere fashion accessory, if it weren't for a large ring on its front where the leash connects. There are black leather cuffs as well, connected by a rigid rod of sturdier leather, but he's not wearing those yet; they're resting on a sideboard a few feet away, waiting for their moment. </p><p>Ash takes a deep breath, tugs at the waistband of his skin-tight leather pants. He doesn't intend to go all mean dom on Eiji, has made that clear, and yet there's already a thin thread of guilt winding itself around his insides. He's been on the receiving end of all kinds of kinky scenes, none of them voluntarily, and he can't fully shed those memories. But, he reminds himself, this is different. This is for <em>Eiji</em>. </p><p>“Are you okay?” Eiji asks, a slight frown falling over his face. “We can still call this off, you don't have to – “</p><p>“No,” Ash says, and the smile he gives Eiji in reply is real, genuine, if tentative. “I'm fine. I want to do this for you.” He sees Eiji's expression darken further, and realizes he's picked the wrong word. “With you,” he corrects. “I want to do this with you.” </p><p>Eiji still squints at him, concerned, and Ash takes the cuffs off the sideboard and walks over to squat before the bed, in front of him. The leather pants squeak in protest, and the laugh that wants to erupt out of him at that is only the tiniest bit hysterical in nature. He takes Eiji's hands in his and squeezes. </p><p>“I love you,” he says. He undoes the buckle on the side of the cuffs, slides them on, closes them around Eiji's left wrist. “And I want this. I do. I want to see you come apart for me.” Securing the other side of the cuffs around Eiji's other wrist and pulling at the rod between them, Ash pulls Eiji to his feet and leads him to a spot directly by the window, the world outside almost pitch-black, obscure, painting shadows onto Eiji's body. They've agreed on this spot beforehand, placed lube and condoms on a cupboard nearby, within easy reach. </p><p>Ash puts both hands onto Eiji's shoulders and pushes him to his knees. He undoes the zipper of his leather pants and waits a moment, gives himself the time he needs to push down those slivers of guilt and focus on the eager expression on Eiji's face, the way he's licking his lips in anticipation, his shallow breathing, the bulge between his legs, so clearly visible in his thin panties, hard cock straining the delicate fabric. </p><p>“You don't move unless I tell you,” he commands, although his voice wavers too much to sound very authoritative. “And you don't touch yourself unless I allow it, you hear me?” </p><p>In answer, Eiji gives him a slow nod, and Ash takes a deep breath, then pulls himself from the confines of those pants and gives himself a few rough tugs, holding Eiji's gaze. Eiji's lips part, and Ash wraps his hand around the back of Eiji's neck, pulling him forward, pulling him closer, so that Eiji's face is almost pushed up into his crotch. </p><p>Eiji takes him into his mouth, swallows him almost down to the root in one go, and Ash's vision nearly goes blank. The effort of taking all of Ash into his mouth is painted onto Eiji's face in the most wonderful ways; tears gather at the corners of his eyes even while they're alight with giddy anticipation, and there's a beautiful blush coloring his cheeks – made all the more alluring by the fact that he's smiling around the girth in his mouth. His eyes shine with something other than wetness, too, something like bliss. He presses his tongue to the underside of Ash's cock and makes a beautiful little noise of appreciation in the back of his throat when Ash moans. There's nothing that suggests he might dislike any part of this; that he's feeling anything other than lust and excitement. </p><p>Ash is supposed to be rough here, he knows, to <em>take</em> Eiji's mouth, but... he can't. He can't bring himself to thrust, force himself all the way in, make Eiji gag with it. Instead he cups Eiji's cheek with his hand and strokes his thumb down his cheek. “You're so pretty like this. I can't believe that you're mine.” </p><p>Eiji's eyes go wide at the words, then fall closed. He hums around Ash's cock, a strange sensation, but <em>good</em>, before he slowly pulls off so his lips are sealed around the head, his tongue working at  the skin underneath the glans, teasing around the frenulum. Ash moves his hand up higher, taking hold of his hair; not pulling yet, just putting the thread of it out there, and Eiji's reaction is immediate. He swallows him down again, although this time it's slower, glancing up to Ash, and it takes Ash a moment to understand what Eiji wants him to do. He uses the hold he has on Eiji's hair to increase Eiji's pace, finally remembers the leash he's still holding and tugs at it when Eiji gets too enthusiastic. He doesn't miss how Eiji wriggles where he's kneeling, trying to hump his own bound hands, even trying to get some friction from pressing himself against the floor. </p><p>It's a display of bare need and desperation, of course, but also so much more. It's about trust, about not holding back. It’s Eiji allowing Ash to see all of him in a way that goes much deeper than simple nudity. When they talked about this beforehand, Ash sort of understood that this was the motivation for Eiji's request, but his own past experiences stood in the way of truly getting Eiji's reasons for wanting to submit. In Ash's head, submission has always been something that was conquered or outright forced. He'd never experienced it as something the sub lays at the feet of their dom, out of free will, pouring their heart and soul out to them in the sure knowledge that they won't be rejected or hurt or taken advantage of. But Eiji... for him, that's what this is all about. For him it's never been, and never will be, about anything else. </p><p>And Ash's job here is to prove himself worthy of that trust. Not by being gentle, necessarily, but by being the right kind of cruel. Reading Eiji. Delivering on an unsaid promise, taking a special kind of care of the person he loves. </p><p>He presses his foot between Eiji's legs, gratified by Eiji's surprised hiss that's followed by another moan around his dick. Ash closes his eyes to keep himself at bay, stay focused. He rubs his foot against Eiji's hard cock, still trapped within the confines of those fine panties, leaking ceaselessly – Ash can feel the wet fabric against his bare skin. He nudges his foot underneath Eiji's balls, wriggling his toes. At the same time, he tugs on the leash and holds Eiji's head in place, so that he can finally use his mouth in the way Eiji has been angling for so clearly and push in deep. </p><p>Eiji nearly chokes. He winces and splutters, throat working around Ash's cock as he fights to take all of him inside. He doesn't have a way out; Ash doesn't give him one, doesn't let him adjust. He's panting hard, cutting off even more of his own oxygen supply with his erratic breathing, and unshed tears are brimming in his eyes from the sheer strain of it all. But he also comes inside those panties after what can't have been more than a minute or two, wetting them further, humping Ash's foot throughout his orgasm, and Ash bites his lip almost bloody in an attempt not to follow him just yet. He's not done. He wants more, and he wants to be inside Eiji when he reaches his own climax. </p><p>He steps back. Eiji stares at him, panting, drooling, and licks his lips. He looks <em>wrecked</em>. Ash feigns stroking himself, when what he really does is press his fingers around the base to hold himself back a bit more effectively than by will alone. There's something else he needs to do, for both their sakes, before he continues on. </p><p>“Eiji,” he says and Eiji's gaze darts upwards to meet his own. “Give me a color.”</p><p>It takes a deep breath, then another, for Eiji to muster up the wherewithal to answer. “Green,” he answers and his voice sounds hoarse in a way that sends shivers up Ash's spine, makes his dick twitch. “Green, but please, Ash. Ash. Don't stop.” </p><p>Ash inhales as well and does his best imitation of a Cheshire Cat grin. “Don't worry, love. I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. ” Eiji's eyes fall closed at the endearment, head dipping downward, and Ash tuts, tipping Eiji’s  chin up with three fingers to make him look back into Ash’s eyes. At the same time he tugs at the leash, tugs Eiji forward. “Turn around. Head down, ass in the air.”</p><p>Eiji obeys with a soft noise that sounds like excitement, almost falling over his feet in his eagerness to assume the desired position, and Ash's heart swells with a combination of possessiveness and love that he might have been ashamed of a few years, hell, a few hours ago. Right now, however, it feels right. It feels earned. It feels like a gift he has been given, a sign of love returned. </p><p>He kneels down behind Eiji. He gently places both hands on his ass, now on full display, and pulls his cheeks apart a little bit. He puts his lips to the tender fabric of the panties, warm with Eiji's body heat, and then presses his tongue against Eiji's hole, still covered by black lace. That produces a moan, throaty and desperate. To show his approval, Ash rubs at Eiji's taint, just below his balls, with the palm of his hand. </p><p>“Would you like me to touch you?” he teases, and Eiji's reply takes the form of a high-pitched whine. </p><p>Ash lets his fingers brush against Eiji's cock through the sticky panties – he's hard again, the hot length of him stretching the lace – and laughs at the intelligible string of curses he gets in return. He considers ripping the panties – they've quite effectively ruined them anyway – but decides against it. Might as well make the most of the fact hat Eiji's still wearing them. </p><p>He abandons Eiji's cock in order to peel the lacy fabric down Eiji's ass just a little bit; just enough to get to his hole, to lick at the sensitive skin around the rim without a barrier, to fuck his tongue inside the way Eiji likes so much. Soon, Eiji's thighs begin to tremble and Ash gives up on holding him open in favor of rubbing soothing circles on the small of his back as a way of reassuring him, calming him down. The noises Eiji's making still definitely signal excitement, but he's high-strung, not too far from his second orgasm of the night judging by the cadence of his breathing, and he seems so lost in subspace that he's forgotten how words work. And that's both a rush and a heavy responsibility, a kind of trust Ash wants to be worthy of. </p><p>“I've got you,” he tells Eiji, stroking messy bangs out of his face that have gone a little damp with sweat. “I've got you and I won't let you down, I promise.” </p><p>Eiji replies with another whine, full of impatience and need and frustration, and Ash noisily wriggles out of those leather pants before he reaches for the bottle of lube they've stashed on the cupboard. He smiles when the noise of the cap being opened causes Eiji to shiver, then grins at the displeased huff Eiji gives when Ash doesn't pull his panties down further. He must have caught onto Ash's intention: he's getting fucked, but the panties stay on, sticky, ruined, covered in evidence of how much he's enjoying himself, like this, wearing lingerie, on his knees, obedient, his cock untouched and his pleasure and fulfillment solely dependent on Ash's mercy. </p><p>After already having come once, nearing his second orgasm, Eiji is loose and relaxed and doesn't require much by the way of prep. Nevertheless, Ash takes his sweet time fingering him open, oh-so-accidentally brushing his prostate here and there. Eiji wriggles his hips in an unmistakable demand, and the more he huffs and whines in frustration, the slower Ash works his fingers inside him. </p><p>But eventually, Ash's own need puts an end to the teasing; he can feel himself twitch with need, precome dripping down the shaft, and he might just <em>explode</em> if he keeps delaying his own release much longer. He removes his fingers and shuffles closer, pulls on a condom and presses up against Eiji's ass, his erection sliding in between Eiji's cheeks. He stays there for a moment, letting Eiji feel him, before he reaches down between them and lines up. </p><p>He almost comes from the first slow, careful push inside, realizing that Eiji's not the only one who's been high-strung this whole time. Eiji is hot and tight around him, doing his best to urge him on, fuck himself on Ash's cock, and there's no holding back for either of them anymore. Ash fucks him in long thrusts, as deep and fast as their position allows, curled around him from behind with a limited range of movement. He was right to save his own climax for this; not a paper sheet would fit between them, they're pressed up so close to each other. Eiji is all he feels, all he needs, all he knows, and it takes all his remaining discipline and concentration to not let himself come before Eiji's body contracts around him, his moans turning from urgency and desperation to relief. </p><p>Ash reaches down, touching Eiji's cock through the panties that are soaked with fresh come, spreading it across the head, dragging his nail over the lace that's covering the slit. Eiji jerks away from him, the intimate contact far too much so soon after an orgasm, and only succeeds in pushing back onto Ash's dick, burying Ash even deeper inside him. </p><p>And like that, Ash comes as well. </p><p>They breathe together in the aftermath, Ash with his eyes closed, reluctant to part, to give up this closeness. But his responsibility doesn't end with making Eiji come apart; it also extends to putting him back together. </p><p>He pulls out, quickly gets rid of the condom, undoes Eiji's restraints, and maneuvers them both onto their sides. That was Eiji's expressed wish: he wanted to be held afterwards. Ash knows that won't do, that won't be all, he's been violently pressed into subspace once or twice and left to deal with it alone in the aftermath, but it should do for a first, quick comedown. So he holds Eiji close, whispers soothing words into his ears, strokes his hair, kisses his temple, until Eiji's breathing evens out a little bit and he's with it enough to respond, move in his arms, reach back for him in return. </p><p>He says Eiji's name, and he's relieved to see an immediate reaction. Eiji looks up at him and lifts an eyebrow. “I'll undress you now, get the lingerie off you, and then I'll fix you a bath, alright?” </p><p>Eiji smiles and nods, hums in agreement. “Yes. I'd like that.” </p><p>A quick kiss, for their mutual benefit, and then Ash makes quick work of the lace and the stockings. He throws them in the vague direction of the hamper; they can clean up for real later. He picks Eiji up and carries him over to the bathroom, overwhelmed by his quiet trust when Eiji just quietly snakes his arms around his neck, and gently guides him to sit on the closed toilet seat. </p><p>Arms slung around his legs, Eiji sits there, watching his every move, his expression lucid but like he's having a wonderful daydream, right here and far away at the same time. </p><p>Once the bathwater has the right temperature and the right amount, with some bubble bath added, Ash picks Eiji up again, just because, and carefully sets him in the bathtub. He kneels by the side of the tub, absentmindedly skimming the surface of the water, his gaze bound to Eiji – making sure he's awake and aware – never leaving him out of his sight. He almost flinches when he hears Eiji's voice, too absorbed in watching him. </p><p>“Come join me,” Eiji asks, and lightly touches his arm. “I don't want you kneeling on the cold tiles.” </p><p>Ash considers denying the request, telling Eiji he's fine as is, but Eiji's looking at him in that way he has, meaning he won't argue and press but he won't take it back either, and right now it's almost impossible to say no to him. So he gets up, joints indeed aching a little from the cold and the uncomfortable position, and climbs into the tub behind Eiji. </p><p>Surrounded by warm water, Eiji safely in his arms, Ash finally relaxes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Find me on <a href="https://geckoholic.dreamwidth.org/">dreamwidth</a>, <a href="http://lostemotion.tumblr.com">tumblr</a> or <a href="https://twitter.com/spacenerdz">twitter</a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>